Friendship and Paradise: A fic based on Episode 2!

[WolfsSpirit]

Tsume was carrying on. I could hear him, but I wasn't listening to him. I'd stopped listening to him sometime ago. I could tell that he was still going on about Leara.
I kept thinking about her. I hadn't meant to kill her bird. I'd tried to explain to her my sorrow. It was my sorrow that had led me to change in front of her. I hadn't meant to do it. Honestly.
The look of terror on Leara's face was still fresh in my mind. It made me want to go see her, try to sort things out. Tsume had taken me away so fast, I don't remember exactly what happened.
"Toboe! Are you listening to anything that I have to say? What if that girl tells somebody about you? Quent could get word of it. The man's seen you already! He knows you're a wolf, and probably that I'm one too. How much trouble can you get into in one day?"
Tsume sounded rash. I simply sat unmoving, my knees drawn to my chest, in the corner.
"I didn't mean to kill it," I said, totally oblivious to Tsume's ranting and raving.
Tsume went silent and I could feel his eyes on me. They felt condeming in some way.
Something about the event not an hour ago reminded me of my past. It made me look at the three metal rings on my wrist. It must have been Leara's eyes. She had had eyes exactly like those before she'd died.
"She gave these to me," I muttered, not really knowing or caring if Tsume had heard.
"Did you kill her?" Tsume asked, and I could hear the contempt.
"I didn't move, I just stared at the floor in front of my eyes. "She died," I told him, finally coming to term with what I suppose could be called self denial.
I closed my eyes to keep away tears and I heard Tsume spit out with hat, "She tamed you."



A/N: That's all for now. I'll add more soon. And just to let you all know now, this isn't going to be a very long fic. It was meant to be a one shot, I'm just to lazy right now to type six pages. I know. I'm a lazy bum. TTFN ;p.

[Blue Scars]

Nice novelization. Are you open to crits or just show?

[WolfsSpirit]

As long as you don't flame me for 3 pages like this one girl did on a .hack fic I'm fine with crit.

[Blue Scars]

"Toboe! Are you listening to anything that I have to say? What if that girl tells somebody about you? Quent could get word of it. The man's seen you already! He knows you're a wolf, and probably that I'm one too. How much trouble can you get into in one day?"

Does Tsume know at this point that the man's name is "Quent"? The audience knows it from meetings between Hubb and Quent, but at this point neither Tsume nor Toboe know him by his name.

It must have been Leara's eyes. She had had eyes exactly like those before she'd died.
"She gave these to me," I muttered, not really knowing or caring if Tsume had heard.

There's no indication of who "she" is, other than Leara. A reader who's seen the series may recognize the grandmother a sentence to late; even still, the second feminine pronoun is not clear.

Since you're writing first person POV Toboe, this would be a great opportunity for a monologue of Toboe's thoughts, a memory, or a vivid emotion triggered by "death" and a "failure to protect" someone Toboe loved.

Add extra space between your paragraphs for increased legebility.

[WolfsSpirit]

Thanks. I was havin issues. This forum doesn't let me tab and I've never used the double space b4. I didn't know if he knew Quent's name 'cause I;ve only seen epd 2. And that explain's about the eye thing too. I'm gonna add more tomorrow. Keep giving me crits so that my next Wolf's Rain Fic is better!